Melissa Marie Chamberlain

My condolences, as feelings of pain and bitterness become unbearable. It is my desire to convey a comforting thought based on the Holy Scriptures

          There is so much I want to say I just don't know wher to start. For the past week I was thinking of everything I want to tell you.  But first I want you to know that we all miss you so much. The pain gets easier as time goes by but this date gets harder every year that goes by. I still have so many questiosn as to what happened that day. Why it happened. Hell I even know someone who speaks to the afterlife and as some may think its crazy I beleive in it and I am really thinking about going to see her. I added Far Behind by  Candle Box to the playlist here, Your brother always said that song reminded him of you.
        
           Ok so let me update you on things going on down here.... As I'm sure you know Tyler is driving now. I know you are wathing over him. I am glad he has you as his Guardian Angel. I know you will keep him safe. He is so much like Jimmy. It drives me nuts!! He just got a girlfriend too. I really like her. Ryan is 14 but man that kid is something else. He helps me with everything around here. He is there when I need a hug or to make me laugh when I cry. He is so mature for his age its unreal. He has your  smile, your mouth, Its unreal how much I see of you in him. And Jess, well she is 12 and just beautiful. She has your attitude. She isn't afraid to tell it like it is. She is alreay telling the boys off. She loves to dance and is not afraid to do it in public. She is great, You two would have so much fun together.

           I'm so glad glad she has 2 big brothers because the boys are already bothering her. Nicky is 10 now, Can you believe it!! And Joey is 8 and Vinny is 6 (at least I think thats how old they are lol) And Guilz just turned 1 in Feb. The boys are so funny. They make me laugh every time I see them. Guilz looks just like Cassie did, a little chubb with redish hair. Joey is making him Communion this year. She is so cute!! Adrianna is 3 and what a peice of work she is. She is definitly a handfull but I love her. And now we have Giavanna. She is almost 3 weeks old. Jimmy asked me to be her Godmother. Shannon and Don are doing great. Going to be married 6 yrs in July. Shannon looks so good! She is loosing so much weight. She is such a good Aunt to the little ones. We taught her well!! LOL. Don is playing semi-pro football and working his butt off. I'm so proud of her. Cassie and Nick are good too. Always running around to soccer and wrestling. I don't know how she does it. She is a great Mom. It's not easy with 4 kids. And Nick is a good family man. Shannon and Cassie choose good men to be their husbands. Our nephew Jimmy does the best he can. He and Tiff have their own apartment now. And I know he loves his girls. I know their situation is tough. A second baby should not have come along but she did and I love her no matter what. She is our neice and I could never turn her away. Jess, Nicky, Vinny, Joey and now Adrianna play soccer. Its great becasue Jess and Nicky are on the same team so I get to see them at the games.
       
             Bob got sick with throat cancer. He was in pretty bad shape for a while but thank God he got through it. He still has a treach in and I don't know if he will ever get it out but he is here with us and thats all that matters. He is awesome. Lisa is still with Nick. I don't think she is really happy though. Your brother is doing ok. You know him he always has something he is complaining about. Mom is doing good. She misses you real bad. She lives in a great spot. We have been gathering there for the Christmas and St. Patty's day parades. Got some pizza'a and just hung out. It's great. 
 
             I wish you were here so I can talk to you in person. To hang out with again and borrow clothes from. I wish you were here with us.I wish you would have come back home instead of staying in PA. It hurts not having you here. I need you. We need you. I never knew I could miss someone so much.

             Ok it's time for me to go now. The tears are flowing. I love you Mimi. Tm happy that you are at peace. Please watch over all of us.

LISA WAS SINGING THE SONG TO ADRIANNA THE OTHER DAY .SHE WAS PICKING UP THE WORDS .WHEN LEE STOPPED SHE TOLD HER SUNSHINE .LEE ASKED HER YOU WANT ME TO SING IT AGAIN.ADRIANNA SAID YES, I SAT AND TEARS WERE ROLLING.SHE GOES BY YOUR ASHES AND CHECKS OUT THE ANGELS THAT LIGHT UP AND LOOKS AT YOUR PICTURE AND I LET HER KNOW THATS HER AUNT MIMI.WHEN GIULIANA GETS TO UNDERSTAND I HOPE IM AROUND TO LET HER KNOW OF HER AUNT MIMI.WELL HONEY IM GOING TO LAY DOWN DIDNT SLEEP ALL NIGHT WAS SO SICK LEE TOOK ME THIS MORNING TO DR.HAVE BRONCHITIES SINUSIS AND ALLERGIES ARE ACTING UP.SO MY LOVE TALK TO YOU LATER.LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART                                                                                       

So here we are 5 years later. Each day that goes by gets easier but this certain day gets worse each year. I miss you so much. Why did you have to leave? Why did you have to leave me to be an Aunt to these kids by myself? You and I were suppose to be proud together! They are all getting so big!  Can you beleive Tyler is 16 already!!! And we now have 2 beautifu great neices! There is just so much you are missing. This day is just so tough becasue I have soooo many mixed feelings still. I still hate you for leaving, I still feel guilty for things I said the week before, and I feel guilty that I was out haveing just a regular day while you took you last breath and lay there helpless. Greg's phone call will haunt methe rest of my life! I miss you Melissa!! Ican't write anymore. Tears are rolling down my face listening to the music and thinking about you. I love you and miss you so much!! Please watch over all of us!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVELY DAUGHTER.I JUST SENT YOU BIRTHDAY WISHES ON YOUR FACEBOOK  SIGHT.THE TEARS ARE FLOWING AND I CANT TALK RIGHT NOW.I LOVE YOU SO MY ANGEL.TAKE AND WATCH ALL THOSE CHILDREN WHO WERE TAKEN.I KNOW YOU WILL HELP COMFORT THEM. LOVE YOU NOW AND MORE THAN FOREVER.

So I have been thinking about you again.......and just as before it's not any easier. You are missing so much here. My kids are getting so big! Nicky, Joey and vinny aren't babies anymore and Adrianna looks just like little Jimmy.Mommy moved to a really beautiful apartment in Woodbridge. Everyone else is doing good. I miss you so much. Gregs phone call still replays in my head. I'm so sorry for the things I said to you the last time I saw you. I just didn't want to loose you----but I did. I am still so angry at you for leaving. And I still feel guilty for the things I said and for being out doing my own thing while you were breathing your last breath. The sadness is just as bad as the day you died. Anyway I'm crying too much now so I have to go. I hope you like what I did to your site. I took these pictures myself... you remind me of a beautiful butterfly that has flown off to a better place.


I love and miss you Melissa. i wish you were here so bad so we could laugh like old times.


Love,
"T" 

So here we are 4 years later. I'm sorry it took me 2 years to get back on here but it just hurts so much I couldn't bring myself to visit let alone write anything. But it's time. Maybe it will help, maybe it will make it worse but it's just time to vent and catch up. Just so you know that circle of emotions is stiill with me. I still feel sad that your gone, guilty that I didn't help you, horrible that I was going on with my day while you were taking your last breath and still so angry at you for leaving--leaving all of us. You are missing so much. Lisa is really happy with Nick. Jimmy is always thinking of you--we all are. Shannon and Don will be married 4 years in July. Tyler, Ryan and Jess are getting so big. Tyler will be graduating 8th grade this year. Can you believe he will be in high school in Sept!!!  I am gonna really need you to watch over him when he starts to drive next year! Ryan will be 13 and Jess just turned 10!!! And yes the tween attitude has hit her good!! LOL. Nicky and Joey are getting so big. And I just wish you could have met not only Vinny but Jimmy's baby Adrianna. She is so beautiful. There is so much to fill you in on that I could be writing forever. Well so far I feel a little better . But the hurt never goes away. The roller coaster of emotions hasn't changed. You are so missed!!! Ok I am done writing for now. I feel the tears coming. I promise I will visit more often. Love and Miss You!! Love Toni!!!

Dear Missy in heaven
  I remember you when you a teen in Keasbey. The tiny little body you had and the smile you had when you were happy. My heart goes out to Mom and the family. I know you are in a peaceful place.
Rest In Peace Missy
Love Lois

TONI TOLD YOU THE LATEST. ITS 2 YEARS SEEMS LIKE ITS NOW . THE DAY I LOST YOU .I LIVE THROUGH THAT PHONE CALL ALL THE TIME. HONEY I CANT EXCEPT IT. I JUST LIVE EACH DAY THINKING MISSING YOU.HAVENT HEARD FROM DENISE SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS COMING OVER BUT NO SHOW. NOT EVEN A PHONE CALL. SUE LEFT ME A MESSSAGE I HAVE TO CALL HER BACK, LISA AND SHANNON IS GOING TO SEE DADDY HE HAS CANCER ON THE EAR.HES DOING OK. GOING TO SEE AUNT ELEANOR TOMORROW SHES IN ST JOSEPHS NURSING HOME SHE GOING TO BE 80 TOMORROW.SHES ON FEEDING TUBE AND HAS DEMENTAE AND ALSHIMERS, SHE IS ALSO BLEEDING INTERNALLY. UNCLE CHARLIE IS 88 AND VISITS AT LEAST 3 TIMES A WEEK. FAMILY IS DOING FINE.HOWS EVERYONE UP THERE . HOWS MY GUY .DID HE GET YOU YOUR COFFEE CAKE  ? KEEP HIM IN LINE YOU KNOW HIM. TELL HIM  I MISS HIM SO AND LOVE HIM.HE WAS BILL BUT BUT HAD A GOOD HEART. KIDS ARE GETTING BIG. YOUR BROTHER IS OUT FISHING EVERY DAY.SOMETHING YOU ENJOYED DOING. LOT OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE ON FACEBOOK.THEY MISS YOU. A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO I TALKED TO JAY HES DOING GOOD. I CALLED HIM ABOUT FIXING UNCLE CHARLIES LEATHER JACKET.  HAVENT TALKED TO HEATHER LATLEY HAVE TO GIVE HER A CALL.WELL SWEETIE GOT TO GET A BITE TO EAT ITS GETTING TO BE 4 WAS SUPPOSE TO EAT AT2:30 SO WILL TALK SOON GIVE ALL MY LOVE TO EVERYONE .MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU MOMMY.

So here we are 2 years later. The sadness hasn't gotten any better. I am sorry I haven't written on here in a while but I have never stopped thinking about you. It is 12:30 in the afternoon. If I remember correctly this is about the time you may have been taking your last breath. I still feel guilt when I think that I was out shopping while you were leaving us and how my day went on as normal while you were laying on the floor. I can still hear Greg's voice in my head when he called me, His words are clear as day.I have to admit I am still kinda feeling all those mixed emotions from when I wrote the very first time.The guilt and the anger are the hardest to deal with. Everyone misses you so much!! And you are missing so much too. All the kids are getting so big. Tyler is 13 now and he is more like Jimmy everyday.Ryan will always be Ryan and Jessica reminds me alot of you. She like to have the attention on her just look you did.The boys are starting to corrupt her though. My sweet little girl is turning out to be a fresh ass. She is 8 now. Can you believe it?? She is beautiful and she knows it too. She wears glasses now and the look so cute on her. Me & Jimmy are doing good. He just put the boat i the water. You would have loved going out on it.Shannon & Cassie are great. And Little Jimmy (who is really a man now) is still Jimmy. His time will come soon for him to grow up. Our nephews are terrific. Nicky has gotten so big.He hates losing a game--no matter what it is. He gets all mad. LOL. And Joey reminds me of Ryan--just a naturally funny kid. Vinny is adorable. God you would have wanted to eat him up.He kinds looks like Joey I think.He is 19 months now. And he is walking and starting to talk.As I said many times before we are the luckiest Aunts in the world. We were blessed with great Nieces and nephews. I wish you could still share in the glory of being an Aunt with me.Lisa and Bob are hanging in there. And Mommy is doing good. She misses you so much. This has been so hard on her.The music is disabled on this site because there was some kinda problem. In a way I am glad because the music makes it worse and I would have been crying already.But I am holding up!! I am hoping that I can get to read your journal soon. Lisa has it and wanted to read it first. Jess still has the sunshine bear on her bead. She doesn't let anyone touch it either. Each of my kids got a stuffed animal of yours when we cleaned out your stuff.I got some of your clothes---you had some nice things LOL.Ok so I have to go now. It's hard getting through this day.I just want to say I love you & I miss you!!!

       Melissa Marie Chamberlain

    Dec. 18, 1965 ~ April 13, 2008

                                    

I wrote this on my Myspace page 2 days after you died. This is where it belongs though::........................... Much like Shannon I don't know where to start. I have so many feelings. Anger,Sadness,Hate,Guilt,Selfishness. Who knew 3 weeks ago when Melissa was here that was going to be the last time we ever saw her again. That weekend Jimmy told her she needed to get help or she was going to die. I hate the fact that the last time my kids saw her she was out of it most of the time. I hate the fact that they may have the memory of Aunt Mimi half hanging off the couch or with her face in her plate of food. I hate the fact that the family picture that was going to be taken at Shannons wedding is not going to feel right. I hate the fact that my kids are crying because they miss Aunt Mimi. And I also feel guilty and selfish for hating her for all those reasons.I feel guilty for telling her that I don't want her staying at my house anymore if she was going to be like that. I never ment it to be like this. I can't seem to cry. All these feelings have me numb inside. When i got the call from Greg the first thing I asked him is "is she breathing?" he said no. I knew at that point she was gone but it just didn't hit me. I waited on the phone with him until 911 came and even hearing them confirm she was gone it just didn't seem real. It's like I am still waiting to wake up from this dream. I feel guilty that I can't cry.I feel selfish becaue I am glad that this didn't happen here at my house. and i am glad that it didn't happen closer to the wedding. But I am so sad that it happened at all. I also feel guilty for feeling a sense of releif. I don't know if anyone else feels like that.I never denied the fact that she had pain but i think that she used the pain as an excuse to keep using the pain meds and the Zanax. I am glad to know that she is not suffering anymore and that her body is no longer be abused by drugs. I am glad to know that for once everyone can stop worring about her and that she is going to fine from now on. I had alot of different feeling for Melissa over the past 22 years. At times I admit that I didn't like her and I hated when she would stay with us when she needed a place to live or sleep when she came to visit. But I just accepted the fact that Melissa is Melissa and you got to love for what she is. I did love her. I am glad that I got to have sisters. And I am glad that she accepted me into the family. Most people aren't that lucky. I just wish that her strenght and stubbornness didn't give up on her this time. Well I am sure i will have more to say in a few days. Thanks Shannnon for giving me the idea to let it out this way. It feels better. Thanks for reading!

hey mimi!!  i havent write in a long time, but i was thinking about you.  hope your doing ok up there.  i miss you so much!!  found out that grandpa curly is really sick and doesnt have much time left, so make sure you take care of him when he gets there.  as for me well i thought everything was going good, don has been working alot, making good money, i got my raise, starting alot of overtime.  we are almost done paying off her debit, wanted to move out by april but i dont know if that is going to happen.  don just called me on his way home from work and the trans on the truck is going again for the second time....this truck was a waste i dont know what i was thinking but we needed a car.  we only have one vehicle and it sucks.....before that don hurt himself and they put him out of work for five days, that killed us.....its one bad thing after another.  its not fair, i guess life isnt fair right?  look what it did to you.....there was no need for your life to end so young.  thats my worst fear you know that....dying, worst then me being afraid of spiders and thats bad....haha  well i had to vent alittle im sorry i love you....

hey its me again,ya know i was trying to come up w/ people that i would consider friends, and i couldn't, your it babe, so i guess we will have to keep in touch via e-mail, could you put in the suggestion box to the lord, that maybe he could invest in a computer, lol.i wish i would get i sighn from you , anything, i know your around, but it would give me alot of peace if you gave just a little sighn, i am very open to it. was thinking of going to this famouse physic, franks mother goes to him when he is in palm beach, and she says he's great, tells her things about her husband that passed away 20 yrs ago, things only she and him would know.if I go, please show up.gotta go, miss ya buddy.

hey friend, still missing you as if it was yesterday, i talked to your mom, she was worried about me i haven't talked to her in along time,so much crap going on in my house. anyway my case is over and i got my settlement, not too shabby either, its in the bank and that is were it is staying, i'm not going to rush out of here until i have a perm job, want to take my time and do it right. my poor mom is back in the hospital w/ pneumonia, i am waiting a few days to see what the doctors say, and imight come up too take care of her, god knows my sister does the best she can, but mom is always around sick kids, always babysitting, she ended up w/ a cold from them and it turned into pneumonia, at her age and physical condition this is not good. if i come up i will definetly visit your family.i can't believe you left us almost a year ago.you'll never leave my heart, luv ya so much. we'll talk soon. luv sue.

hey girl, missed talking to you when the site was down,anyway i'm sure you see the hell frank has been putting me through,i think he might be going through midlife crises or he is just nuts.i never thougt iwould say this, but i am fearing for my saftey.i told him i want a seperation, he does'nt, he is a major control freak, if he doesn't get his way he basically throws a tempertatram, only he is an adult, and can hurt me bad. i told him i am leaving and ther is nothing he can do about it.i leave the house in the morning before he wakes up and i wait for him to leave before i go home. when he comes home from work i lock myself in my room, one minute he says he loves me, and will do anything for me to stay, when i say no, he turns into a monster.I think i might write a book and call it i married a monster,lol  i have dedicated 20+ yrs to taking care of him and the kids, now that the kids are older its time for me to take care of myself,i dont think god put me on this earth to be frank salinas personal servent for life, he has stolen every bit of self-esteem i had, he wants to spend all his time with his friends and there motorcycles, i dont think he is cheating on me, but i could care less if he is,i haven' let him touch me in a very long time, and never will again. anyway i am getting all my ducks in a row, then i am out of here.talk soon,luv ya

Well, went to the surgeon yesterday, and it turns out my mri shows that the tendon they repaired is torn worse now than the 1rst surgery, they think it is due to too aggressive therapy, and i remember when it happened, doing an exercice i felt such a pain in my shoulder, i thought the screw came out,but the therapist said if that was so i would be in alot more pain,so i continued my exercises.i started te regress in my therapy,and the surgeon ordered anather mri,sure enough big tear in my rotator cuff,he wants to do another surgery after the holidays. I think i am going to lose my mind, it wouldn't be so bad if i at least had some emotional support from my husband, he thought i was faking the pain all along.so i will do it, get anthony through highscool 1 more yr, and i am leaving him.soon to be free. love ya sue

So hear it is... you're 43rd birthday. I wanted to make sure to tell you Happy Birthday first thing this morning because you always called all of us first thing--sometimes even earlier then first thing :). But anyway the Holidays have me kind of down this year. I am so sorry that I never ot to make the Chocolate ball cookies for oyu last year. I promised you then that I would definitely make them this year for you but I just don't feel like doing anything this holiday season. The kids are getting excited for CHristmas. Ryan is doing well. Hopefully this doesn't have any affect on him down the road. He got glasses and he looks so cute in them. I have bronchitis again. the doctor said it is borderline phnemonia and if it doesn't clear up this time I need to go to the hospital---so he told me to rest-yeah right-that is almost impossible to do. I still have alot to do. Although I am not giving anybody anything this year. I wish I could but it is just not happening this year and I think that is part of why I am so down. Well I have to go wake up Jessice for school. Tyler already left and Ryan is already up. Anyway have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Love from allof us,

 Toni, Jimmy and the kids 

HEY IM SORRY THAT U ARE GONE AND HOPE YOU ARE ALRIGHT